God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
