you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
