I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
