Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
