Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
