I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
