Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
