I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
