does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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