how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
