Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
