Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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