Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
