Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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