I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
