Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
