this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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