you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
