the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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