I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
