U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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