I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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