that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
