Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
