The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
