Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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