One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
