he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
