that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
