Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
