he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
