afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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