had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
