I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
