I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
