I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
