i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
