i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
