i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
