Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
