This is not my ceiling
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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