I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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