Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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