I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
