I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
