First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
