i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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