I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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