I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
