i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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