last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
