it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
