I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
