The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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