If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
