So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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