DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
