If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
