i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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