i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
