we have officially lost it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
