Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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