Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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