You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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