Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
